Consumer

Wrote a couple tonight, this was about the best of them... Not saying much there, they were all pretty bad this time!

Consumer

I'm so damned tired
Tired of fighting
Tired of trying
Tired of crying
Just tired of living
The never ending nightmare
Will I ever wake up
Simply dreaming of you
Has consumed me

Driving farther to the depths
To pull more pain up
To throw in your face
To rip you to shreds
But if you stand too close
To the fire of your life
You'll burn eternal
This fire finally
Has consumed me

I know now I've had enough
No more fighting
No more trying
No more crying
Finally no more living
So I relax at last
Float into the embrace
As I let the pill numbness
Consume me

Escape

Just wanted to double check with my few readers: y'know, if something sucks, you can tell me, right? It won't bother me any, I think it ALL sucks, so you won't be telling me anything new! ;) Anyway, got a new one for ya...

Escape

How can I escape you for good
When you've thrown me into this pit
Knowing my wings were clipped
So you didn't even give me a chain
I'm eternally your trapped songbird

Your embrace is suffocating me
I cry out for God
Or whoever will answer me
But they can't even hear me
Let alone help me

The only control I can find here
Is in the little cuts to you and me
To remind us that I was once in charge
But even that pales compared
To the cut of your careless words

Ambushed

I was thinking about how brutally effective love was at hunting "victims" down, and the idea for this came to me... I dunno if I like it or not, seems kinda crappy to me...

Ambushed

Love snuck up and grabbed me
It came while I wasn't even looking
A quiet infatuation became something more
And now I'm addicted to your embrace

Love hid and ambushed me
I stumbled on it and was ensnared
It found me at my darkest hour
And filled me up with light

Love crept in while I was trying to sleep
It beat me into submission
Chained me down to my bed and trapped me
But now I don't really want to escape

Lullaby

I didn't really have anything in mind when I wrote this, just scribbled it out while I was smoking...

Lullaby

Lay down your weary head tonight
Let the war in your mind cease
Stretch your brittle bones in weariness
And let your thin arms lay in peace
Don't be afraid to let your guard down now
You're safe, so feel at ease

Sing a lullaby for the fragile tonight
Tomorrow everything will be alright
So be at peace my child

The world outside can take its toll
And life will leave you weary
Love will beat you down again
Work will make you dreary
Take solace in the comfort of friends
You'll see things much more clearly

Sing a lullaby for the frail tonight
Tomorrow everything will seem alright
So be at peace my love

Take my hand tonight my friend
Help me lay down my head
This war has gone on in my mind so long
I sometimes wish I were dead
I don't yet hold the answers to the riddles
But tonight I'll just go to bed

Sing a lullaby for the fragile tonight
A lullaby for the frail tonight
Let me lay in peace

Fear

Wow, you guys are getting way more updates than usual! Don't get used to it, I'm trying to write more so I can get this book ready... It's been kinda freaking me out lately, but I'm trying to not freak anymore, and just enjoy what I'm doing like I used to. Of course, I'm still going to try to keep writing more, but I'm not going to stress out if I can't write one day... That thought line is actually what got this one going, so I guess a little fear can be a good thing! :)

Fear

Nervous anticipation
Looking forward to the day
When this is just a memory

Eagerly awaiting
Try to tell the story right
Try not to wrap the past in lies

But how do I separate the love we had
From the hatred that we hold now
And how do I write about that hot July
Without forgetting where I am today

Unspoken expectations
No one wants to see the hate
God, this better turn out great

Unwritten obligations
Maybe I set my sights too high
Perhaps July was just a lie

But how do I throw away everything
Give my secrets to the world
And how do I show you the torment
Without making my loved ones hurt

Waking nightmare
Breaking off my fingernails
Pulling out all of my hair

Stupid daydreamer
No one wants to read that again
Just keep your pain locked away

July... And Everything After update

Well, I tried an experiment tonight. I set up the document with the correct sizes, roughly the correct fonts (Linux doesn't have Times New Roman or Arial, so I had to use similar fonts), and started throwing things in. I put in all the "admin" pages (like the TOC, copyright page, title page, etc), then put all the poems in, 1 per page (and sometimes one would cover 3 pages!). I am now at 60 pages! Of course, some of those poems will not make the final cut, so I still need to roughly double what I have, but I'm farther than I thought I would be! That means I'm almost half done!!! Now for the fun parts: write more, and start arranging the story.... If I keep doing three a week, it'll take me 5 months to write 60 poems, so I've gotta start stepping up output! Hopefully, if all goes well, this thing will be out by Christmas....

The End of June

As I said, I realized I needed certain types of poems to tell my story now. It's a three part story, and I have about half of the middle, and almost all of the end done, but there is no beginning! So here is one I wrote to fill in the end of the beginning (make sense?)... And yes, I was listening to Meatloaf last night, but I swear I wrote this before "Hot Summer Night" came on...

The End of June

It was a hot, humid night at the end of June
The first time I met you
And while we both knew July would surely come
We couldn't wait any longer, wait any longer
The fireworks would have to fly

We put fire to fuse, sat back to watch the show
As we burned this place to the ground
The flames licked at the air, we were both unaware
That the fire's gotta burn us, fire's gonna burn us
July it seemed would never come

So we waited and we waited
It seemed like it was fated
July was finally here
How we opened the flood gates
Never thought past today
July will never end

And so the world kept turning, July kept burning
The fire will never burn out
Another hot summer night we will never forget
And I swear July will never end.

The Story

I was at the bar last night, trying to think through this book thing more, and realized that I need certain types of poems if I want to really tell this story right. One that I need is a "fluff" type poem; it needs to be just enough to bring someone in, to start the book off with, but not full-bore rip-the-heart-out yet. So I wrote this one, to hopefully take that place. Maybe not the best, but it fills its roll...

The Story

This is the story of my life
This is the story of the scary things I see everyday
This is the story of the truth of my youth, all the stupid little things
That add up to who I am today

This is the story of my love
This is the story of the hot July summer nights
This is the way we all escape, day to day, from the truth of our youth
That makes us all the way we are today

This is the story of yesterday
This is the story of tomorrow too
So when you feel like its time to start the end, and you feel like just giving up
Remember it's just a story anyway

This is the story of my life

This is the story of a little boy
This is the story about everybody too
This is the broken little home that we all came from
This is the setting of the scene

This is the story of my life

July... And Everything After

Just thought I'd give ya an update since everybody has been asking me about this lately. Yes, I'm still writing more poetry for the book. I want around 100 poems before I call it good, which means I'll have to write 150 or so to get the ones I really like out, so it might be a bit. I think I'm around 60 now, and there are already a few I don't like.

I'm looking at a lulu.com to do the publishing, as they do on-demand printing (only print what is ordered, no minimum order), and I don't know the demand for it. I'll be in good company: there are over 3000 books of poetry on there! Y'all gotta buy lots of copies if it goes through, so I get good publicity. :-D

Also working on designing a cover for it, getting a basic structure of all the poetry (don't want it to be just random), editing old works, writing writing writing new stuff, and generally keeping myself busy. I think I finally decided on the title (July... and Everything After) but that might change before I'm done too.

I'll let ya know when/if it ever gets done. Until then, keep reading, keep writing me, and keep that great poetry coming out (it inspires me to do more)!

Dr S

In My Mind

I was still kinda in a wierd mood after writing that last one, so I jotted this one out real quick too...

In My Mind

In my mind
The ghosts of those who went before
Whispering that I could have done more
So loud that I cannot ignore

In my mind
The screams of death pains roam
The final whispers, the dying moans
Begging me to take them home

In my mind
The mistakes I see that we made
The dirty road together we paved
Beating a path to their final graves

In my mind
The dead still have a voice
The scream against the choice
I turn my back on them, but the screams remain.

Father

I went to my third funeral of the year today. On average, I do 4-5 a year, so I'm getting to be a pro! The reason I tell you this is so you understand why I wrote this: some days it seems like I'm outliving everyone, and I'm only 24! Granted, the person today was in their 80's, but it's just so tough to watch everyone around you die, and not start to wonder "Why not me? Am I cursed to live?". It's a theme I tried exploring once, but I didn't quite have my writing honed to the point where I could explain how I felt, and I just hope I do now...

Father

Do you hear my screams anymore Father?
Are my cries loud enough for you yet?
How much longer do we play this masquerade?
When will you finally let me come home?
You bled yourself out for me to go on living.
What a sick, twisted love that must be.

Can you hear me tonight Father?
Your son is burning with the pain of life.
Where is the finish line, the final reward?
I can't carry your hammer any more!
Give me rest for once, peace for once
A throw-away soldier in a disposable war.

The promise of eternal happiness and bliss
Is cold comfort while we burn in hell
Souls torched and blackened to a crisp
Food for the living monster named man
So can you hear me now Father?
I can't keep going on.

The Monster I See

When I was growing up, I always had a hard time not hating my mother. She always seemed to look for drama, and made herself a martyr whenever possible. I have to give her a lot of respect, though, because since she remarried and had my baby sister, she has grown up a lot.
When I was driving home tonight, the song "Everything to Everyone" by Everclear came on, and at first it made me think of her. The more I listened to it though, I realized it described me more than it did her now, and that scared me a lot, so much that I wrote this...

The Monster I See

The face that stares back at me today
I can't recognize his features at all
Why does he play the role of the martyr now
And how did that face become me

It's the family disease, it runs in my veins
The mother I hated has grown up at last
But the son inherited the sickness
Twisted with personal experience to create a new monster

Facing down my demons tonight
No drugs left to numb the pain
No hand to pull me back this time
Jumping head first into the void

Fed the sickness on apathy and
The blood white cross around my nose
Crushing the last of the child within
Now the only monster I see is me

Burnout

This is the first poem I shared with my friends on Opacity, and their reaction to it is what got me writing more and sharing more of it. At the time, I was going through a pretty rough break-up, and all I could think of was how I felt like I was an abandoned building. I think (I hope) I did a pretty good job describing that feeling so that others could understand it too...

Burnout

I feel like the burned out corpse
of the building you abandoned
last December in the snow.

Without you to give me purpose
what is left for me to do now?
Do you even know?

My heart has been torn to shreds
like the curtains, the last vestiges
of a bygone, forgotten day.

I did everything I could do
gave you all that I could give
but you wouldn't stay.

I guess I'll just sit here for now
rot away in the snow
until my final breath.

Nothing left to give
nothing left to say
there is simply nothing left.

Mistress Mine

I was listening to The Decemberists, admiring their beautifully sculpted lyrics, and it inspired me to try to write something similar on my own. While I don't think they turned out quite as good as something that they would have written, I'm still pretty happy with the results.

Mistress Mine

Here she comes again, tip to top enchantress beauty
Burning pockets in my brain, smoldering in her waste
Creeping stains belie the pale life of duty
Casting crimson streams in her flowing wake

Mistress Death, let me hear your command
Tell your gray slave which way to lean
Your lifeline, lover, is my only demand
Awaken from your Mickey Mouse dreams

My candle is burning from side to side
The blaze could burn us all away
A long lasting life has all but been denied
I close my eyes, breath out, and die.

A Moment

Well, might as well start off with a bang, eh? Someone described this as my best ever, and while I'm not quite sure (there are some that I really like better), I agree that it's up there. The inspiration for this one is kind of a funny story: I was watching Family Guy one night (I don't usually, but there was nothing else on), and it was a story about the dog falling in love with an old woman, who dies in the end... It got me thinking back to some of the loves in my life, one of whom died while we were together, and got me writing! Just goes to show you: you never know where inspiration will come from!

A Moment

A moment, an eternity
Passing from this life to the next
Every detail seems to be crystal clear

A heartbeat, a rhythm
Racing to its final end
Putting lie to all our plans of growing old

A teardrop, a torrent
Raining down upon our lives
Praying to a deaf God it's all a dream

A memory, slightly faded
Seems to be all that you left
The years have flown, I have moved on

An eternity, a moment
Watching as you passed
Every detail is still crystal clear

What to do, what to do???

I really don't know how I should go about doing this... I mean, I really want to get some of my new stuff up here, but want to get a lot of the better old stuff up too! On my old blog I was putting things up roughly once a week, and it'll be the same here after I get through the archives, as that is about how frequently I write new stuff... I have quite a bit to put up, and I'm afraid that if I put it all up at once some of it will get ignored in the shuffle, plus I don't want to overdose y'all with my stuff! It's taken best in small bites!!!

I think I'll do it like this: for the next few weeks/months (however long it takes), I'll put up any new stuff I come up with, along with a couple of old ones, as well as the inspirations for them, kinda like I did before. That way, I can get through them quicker, without overloading you all with things to read!

Just as a note: unlike with the crappy myspace, you don't have to be a member to leave a comment here, so if you see something you like, or don't like, or would like differently, let me know! :)

Dr Sketch's New Blog!!!

Hey everybody! I got so sick of MySpace fucking around with my blog, so (at the insane urging of MaJude) decided to build a new one here. I'll be putting up all of my old stuff from MySpace, as well as all of the new stuff that comes out... A little at a time, of course! Can't give ya too much at once, now can I???