December

Here's the other one I wrote to end the chapters. I'm feeling super-inspired tonight, so I'm gonna get back to writing....

December

December pours down upon me
It's white, and it's bleak, and so cold
Another year has passed between us
Lies sleeping beneath my feet
I've finally buried her memory
At the crossroads of the year

How do you rate a lifetime in a year
Do you count the days you lived
The time you spent fighting, working
Is it the love you made, or the love you gave
Or is it just that you existed
To the crossroads of the year

The End Of July

I needed a couple of poems to end the "chapters" of the book, and I've been kicking some ideas around for a while... This one actually came out on the way home! Thankfully, I keep a notebook in my car now, so I scribbled parts out while I was waiting at the lights...

The End Of July

Waiting for the world to end
Counting down the minutes
I know it couldn't last forever
The year slowly rolls on
All the passionate nights
Couldn't save our love
But how we fought against the end of July

Recoil from the flames
That burn us both alive
We've both grown up too much
How can anyone stop
The rolling of the year
The love that grows cold
It's so cold at the end of July

My icicle princess
Your broken leper messiah
We can't fly anymore
While we're arm in arm
The desolate fighting
All the passionless nights
Point the path we both tread
That leads to the end of July

Minor Update

Here's where the book stands: 65 pages done, the cover is well under way. The cover artist contacted me today, letting me know that she is still trying to get it "just right". I imagine (from what I know of her) that she's as big a perfectionist as I am, and that it probably ALREADY looks amazing! Then again, I'd be happy with just a black cover with my name and the book title on it.... ;)

Believe

Just kinda needed to say this one; everyone seems to think I feel one way, when I really feel something completely different...

Believe

At the end of the day
I sit here alone
In quiet reflection
Outside of my home
Patiently I'm waiting
For the breaking of night
And desperately hoping
That tomorrow, everything is alright

Playing the poor tortured artist
Week after week gets old
But the constant misinterpretation
Has left me feeling so cold
You may think from the words you read
That you know what is really inside
Trust me when I say, you have no idea
Everything you thought was a lie

I'm not really stuck
In the hottest of months
My life has moved on
Moved on from July
I've played that game once
But I won't play again
That old metaphor I used
Has gone stale in my mouth

Bracket Full of Roses

Here's one I'm dredging up from the archives to share. I think I might have put this up once before on the MySpace blog, I can't remember. The story here is simple: I was in a fight earlier the day I wrote this, and just wanted a way to vent. I scribbled this out while my room mate was getting his hair cut (we both had things to do that night, so we carpooled), sitting outside the barber, chain smoking, and writing. I think I wrote three or four that night... Anyway, my handwriting was so sloppy that I misread one of the lines, and when I typed it in I thought it really did say "Bracket Full of Roses". I don't know what I meant to say, but I like that phrase, so I kept it...

Bracket Full Of Roses

I'm still burning from the fire
Of the words you used to hurt me
Said that you would not desert me
Then you walked away

Screaming brackets full of roses
You're such a vicious little child
Go on, hurt me for a while
If it helps you cope

You turned and walked right out
When you saw the me I held back
Now, can I please have my love back?
Couldn't deal with all my quirks

My memories are all that I have left
But I will give them up too
I'd do anything for you
So please don't just leave me here alone

Consolation

Consolation

Rest in peace tonight
My bitter memories
Lend me peace of mind
Please just let me sleep
So I lay me down
This bitter, broken man
It is time to move on
Do not open those old wounds again

So I try to be everything you wanted
I try so hard to be just what you need
And believe me when I say
I am sorry for the way
I became your consolation prize boyfriend

I know you deserve
Much more than I can give
Consolation prize
You might as well not win
Now we're both alone
So many miles apart
And I have to know
Am I still in your heart

Because I try to be everything you ever wanted
I try so hard to be your tragedy
Please believe me when I say
One day I will find a way
To be more than your consolation prize boyfriend

The Spaces

I was watching a behind the scenes for a movie tonight, and it was talking about how the original author died the day before his play started. It got me thinking, what if I died before I finished writing what I wanted to write???

The Spaces

What if there's really nothing left but this
What if there's no tomorrow after all
How can I turn my back on my unfinished tale
Knowing that the story will never be told

What if I decide to never write the ending
What if I forgot how the story really goes
What if I never get another second chance
To show this pain to all the ones I loved

Your kiss once burned a fire in my soul
But the fire has died out long ago
And July was just a cruel, bitter joke
A joke that we played upon ourselves

Because the truth has grown so cold
Maybe I've just gotten old
No one wants to hear that bitter song again

Did I finally miss my chance
To tell the world about our dance
Have I waited too long to write these broken words

So many spaces that are left untold
Spaces filled with life, and love, and dying
So many tears held back for way too long
How do I do justice to your brutal memory

Sorry In Advance

Ok, ok, here's a real poem for ya. :) The title of this was GOING to be the title of my last post about comments, but I liked it so much that I decided to work with it... Funny how things work out like that, isn't it? Hey, chopsuey, thanks! In a roundabout way, you being an ass inspired me to write a good poem!!!

Sorry In Advance

I realized today
As I was sitting all alone
That I can never make you happy
Not like you deserve
I will let you down
When I do my best
No matter what I do for you
I will always be your failure

So I'm sorry in advance
For all the pain I've yet to cause
Sorry in advance
For the tears yet to fall
I'm sorry that I know
I can never be what you need
For everything I don't do
I'm sorry in advance

What should I do now
What works best for you
Should I hold on tighter than ever
And swear I'm never letting go
Or turn and walk away
And hope somehow that you
Will forever be happier without me
Tell me now what I should do

I'm sorry in advance
For all the pain I've yet to cause
Sorry in advance
For the tears yet to fall
I'm sorry that I don't
Know the best thing for you
For all the unquestioned answers
I'm telling you sorry in advance

Man, what a pain

A certain asshole has taken it upon itself to leave nasty comments here. This asshole followed me here from Opacity, where I ripped it up publicly for BEING an asshole. To asshole: Go Away! Seriously man, you were banned from Opacity, nobody gives a shit what you have to say, just move on with your life and leave the rest of us alone.
Sadly, since this asshole is not one to give up easily, I have had to take steps to keep it away. Starting today, ALL comments are going through moderation before being posted. Basically, what this means for y'all, is that I have to approve or deny each comment before it's put up. Depending on when you post, and how busy I am, it might take a day or so for the comment to show up. I won't deny a comment that is critical of my work, I think it's good to have stuff like that out there, but if you come in saying stupid bullshit just to flame me because you're too little of a person to let something go, expect to not see your comment. To everyone else: I'm sorry I've got to do this, but I can't spend all my time sorting through these posts to find the posts by asshole.

In closing, a poem that I'm freestyling for said asshole.

Chopsuey, you are an ass.
I would imagine your family is full of asses.
Quit posting things on our blogs
Please, just go away
We're all sick of your stupid shit.
Fuckwit!

Eh, that wasn't that good, but what do you expect for a freestyle? :D

Pain

Pain

I'm in pain
More than I have ever been in before
It rips its way through every nerve and synapse
And leaves me a broken, useless tool

I'm in pain
So much that I can't eat a bite
So much that I can't even sleep at night
I'm in pain, and it's because of you

Well I know
With a snap of your fingers it would go away
Faster than thought, the pain would leave
So tell me now, why won't you help me?

I'm in pain
It hurts so much I can't even cry
Now all I really want to do it die
God, won't someone help me?

Some random link stuff...

If you haven't seen the video/heard the cover of "Hurt" by Johnny Cash (I mention it in my last post), go check it out on youtube. The song itself is very powerful, and when combined with Cash's voice, and the great cinematography, it is almost overwhelming to watch...

I was randomly surfing through some poetry, looking for inspiration, and ran across this. Wow, looks like a step-by-step for my stuff! Didn't realize how whiny I was until I really started reading it.... :(

The Man Behind The Story

Sorry it's been so long, I haven't been able to write for a while... I keep locking up whenever I try, and everything that comes out is shit. I'm not entirely sure about this one either, but at least it's something, and it's better than most of what I've written recently! I found a Johnny Cash cover of "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails, and have listened to it probably 20 times since I got it (just a few hours ago!), so I'm sure that it has inspired a lot of the feeling behind this...

The Man Behind The Story

Don't count on me tonight
I can't even carry myself
Frozen when you needed me the most
I guess I let you down again

The crushing weight of failure
Lies heavy on my shoulders
Even the cutting can't bury my shame
And the drugs don't numb me anymore

Plant a rose in the garden of my heart
One for every friend that I have hurt
The thorns grow thick with disappointment
I can't shine for you tonight

Looking back on the wasteland of life
I turn my back in rage
Cry lullabies as I lay down my arms
And I know I'm finally going home