Consumer

Wrote a couple tonight, this was about the best of them... Not saying much there, they were all pretty bad this time!

Consumer

I'm so damned tired
Tired of fighting
Tired of trying
Tired of crying
Just tired of living
The never ending nightmare
Will I ever wake up
Simply dreaming of you
Has consumed me

Driving farther to the depths
To pull more pain up
To throw in your face
To rip you to shreds
But if you stand too close
To the fire of your life
You'll burn eternal
This fire finally
Has consumed me

I know now I've had enough
No more fighting
No more trying
No more crying
Finally no more living
So I relax at last
Float into the embrace
As I let the pill numbness
Consume me

Escape

Just wanted to double check with my few readers: y'know, if something sucks, you can tell me, right? It won't bother me any, I think it ALL sucks, so you won't be telling me anything new! ;) Anyway, got a new one for ya...

Escape

How can I escape you for good
When you've thrown me into this pit
Knowing my wings were clipped
So you didn't even give me a chain
I'm eternally your trapped songbird

Your embrace is suffocating me
I cry out for God
Or whoever will answer me
But they can't even hear me
Let alone help me

The only control I can find here
Is in the little cuts to you and me
To remind us that I was once in charge
But even that pales compared
To the cut of your careless words

Ambushed

I was thinking about how brutally effective love was at hunting "victims" down, and the idea for this came to me... I dunno if I like it or not, seems kinda crappy to me...

Ambushed

Love snuck up and grabbed me
It came while I wasn't even looking
A quiet infatuation became something more
And now I'm addicted to your embrace

Love hid and ambushed me
I stumbled on it and was ensnared
It found me at my darkest hour
And filled me up with light

Love crept in while I was trying to sleep
It beat me into submission
Chained me down to my bed and trapped me
But now I don't really want to escape

Lullaby

I didn't really have anything in mind when I wrote this, just scribbled it out while I was smoking...

Lullaby

Lay down your weary head tonight
Let the war in your mind cease
Stretch your brittle bones in weariness
And let your thin arms lay in peace
Don't be afraid to let your guard down now
You're safe, so feel at ease

Sing a lullaby for the fragile tonight
Tomorrow everything will be alright
So be at peace my child

The world outside can take its toll
And life will leave you weary
Love will beat you down again
Work will make you dreary
Take solace in the comfort of friends
You'll see things much more clearly

Sing a lullaby for the frail tonight
Tomorrow everything will seem alright
So be at peace my love

Take my hand tonight my friend
Help me lay down my head
This war has gone on in my mind so long
I sometimes wish I were dead
I don't yet hold the answers to the riddles
But tonight I'll just go to bed

Sing a lullaby for the fragile tonight
A lullaby for the frail tonight
Let me lay in peace

Fear

Wow, you guys are getting way more updates than usual! Don't get used to it, I'm trying to write more so I can get this book ready... It's been kinda freaking me out lately, but I'm trying to not freak anymore, and just enjoy what I'm doing like I used to. Of course, I'm still going to try to keep writing more, but I'm not going to stress out if I can't write one day... That thought line is actually what got this one going, so I guess a little fear can be a good thing! :)

Fear

Nervous anticipation
Looking forward to the day
When this is just a memory

Eagerly awaiting
Try to tell the story right
Try not to wrap the past in lies

But how do I separate the love we had
From the hatred that we hold now
And how do I write about that hot July
Without forgetting where I am today

Unspoken expectations
No one wants to see the hate
God, this better turn out great

Unwritten obligations
Maybe I set my sights too high
Perhaps July was just a lie

But how do I throw away everything
Give my secrets to the world
And how do I show you the torment
Without making my loved ones hurt

Waking nightmare
Breaking off my fingernails
Pulling out all of my hair

Stupid daydreamer
No one wants to read that again
Just keep your pain locked away

July... And Everything After update

Well, I tried an experiment tonight. I set up the document with the correct sizes, roughly the correct fonts (Linux doesn't have Times New Roman or Arial, so I had to use similar fonts), and started throwing things in. I put in all the "admin" pages (like the TOC, copyright page, title page, etc), then put all the poems in, 1 per page (and sometimes one would cover 3 pages!). I am now at 60 pages! Of course, some of those poems will not make the final cut, so I still need to roughly double what I have, but I'm farther than I thought I would be! That means I'm almost half done!!! Now for the fun parts: write more, and start arranging the story.... If I keep doing three a week, it'll take me 5 months to write 60 poems, so I've gotta start stepping up output! Hopefully, if all goes well, this thing will be out by Christmas....

The End of June

As I said, I realized I needed certain types of poems to tell my story now. It's a three part story, and I have about half of the middle, and almost all of the end done, but there is no beginning! So here is one I wrote to fill in the end of the beginning (make sense?)... And yes, I was listening to Meatloaf last night, but I swear I wrote this before "Hot Summer Night" came on...

The End of June

It was a hot, humid night at the end of June
The first time I met you
And while we both knew July would surely come
We couldn't wait any longer, wait any longer
The fireworks would have to fly

We put fire to fuse, sat back to watch the show
As we burned this place to the ground
The flames licked at the air, we were both unaware
That the fire's gotta burn us, fire's gonna burn us
July it seemed would never come

So we waited and we waited
It seemed like it was fated
July was finally here
How we opened the flood gates
Never thought past today
July will never end

And so the world kept turning, July kept burning
The fire will never burn out
Another hot summer night we will never forget
And I swear July will never end.

The Story

I was at the bar last night, trying to think through this book thing more, and realized that I need certain types of poems if I want to really tell this story right. One that I need is a "fluff" type poem; it needs to be just enough to bring someone in, to start the book off with, but not full-bore rip-the-heart-out yet. So I wrote this one, to hopefully take that place. Maybe not the best, but it fills its roll...

The Story

This is the story of my life
This is the story of the scary things I see everyday
This is the story of the truth of my youth, all the stupid little things
That add up to who I am today

This is the story of my love
This is the story of the hot July summer nights
This is the way we all escape, day to day, from the truth of our youth
That makes us all the way we are today

This is the story of yesterday
This is the story of tomorrow too
So when you feel like its time to start the end, and you feel like just giving up
Remember it's just a story anyway

This is the story of my life

This is the story of a little boy
This is the story about everybody too
This is the broken little home that we all came from
This is the setting of the scene

This is the story of my life

July... And Everything After

Just thought I'd give ya an update since everybody has been asking me about this lately. Yes, I'm still writing more poetry for the book. I want around 100 poems before I call it good, which means I'll have to write 150 or so to get the ones I really like out, so it might be a bit. I think I'm around 60 now, and there are already a few I don't like.

I'm looking at a lulu.com to do the publishing, as they do on-demand printing (only print what is ordered, no minimum order), and I don't know the demand for it. I'll be in good company: there are over 3000 books of poetry on there! Y'all gotta buy lots of copies if it goes through, so I get good publicity. :-D

Also working on designing a cover for it, getting a basic structure of all the poetry (don't want it to be just random), editing old works, writing writing writing new stuff, and generally keeping myself busy. I think I finally decided on the title (July... and Everything After) but that might change before I'm done too.

I'll let ya know when/if it ever gets done. Until then, keep reading, keep writing me, and keep that great poetry coming out (it inspires me to do more)!

Dr S

In My Mind

I was still kinda in a wierd mood after writing that last one, so I jotted this one out real quick too...

In My Mind

In my mind
The ghosts of those who went before
Whispering that I could have done more
So loud that I cannot ignore

In my mind
The screams of death pains roam
The final whispers, the dying moans
Begging me to take them home

In my mind
The mistakes I see that we made
The dirty road together we paved
Beating a path to their final graves

In my mind
The dead still have a voice
The scream against the choice
I turn my back on them, but the screams remain.